if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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