he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
