help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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