dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
