Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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