dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
