The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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