The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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