dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
