hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
