I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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