This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I could fuck to npr.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
