As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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