i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
