tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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