Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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