if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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