i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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