Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
