So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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