I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
