if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
