RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
