So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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