I heard we made out
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
