He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
