A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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