Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
