I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
