My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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