I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
