The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
