I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
