i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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