This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
