What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
