Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You dont lie about slip and slides
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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