my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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