I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
