Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
