so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
