all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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