my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
