i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
