Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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