i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
