4 words: hood of his car
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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