Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
