i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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