He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
