I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize