Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
