I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
