I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
