He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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