I'm lost and stupid without you.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
