I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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