Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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