God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
