just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
did i walk over a car last night?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
