All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
