he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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