3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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