Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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